We go through our lives, day after day, just trying to keep up with life in general, and sometimes things tend to slide right on by without our notice. Well, not really without notice, but all of a sudden we find ourselves in a position where we turn around and try to figure out how we got here. It could be something like spending too much time at work and not fulfilling our family obligations as a result. Weight has a way of sneaking up on some of us like that. I’ll be honest; I have struggled with weight for the bulk of my adult life, being a few pounds overweight. A few pounds according to the charts that tell us that we should all be within a certain range of a weight based on our height, which does not factor in things like genetics, oh, and that small little thing called the right body weight for the individual.
I would lose weight, maintain for a brief period and then put that weight back on again and then some, losing the battle. I can’t tell you the sense of shock that I experienced when I realized that I had lost enough battles and had now entered the category of morbidly obese. I knew I was overweight. I knew I needed to lose weight and get back in control of the situation, but morbidly obese?? How did that happen? I felt like I had run full throttle into a brick wall – my weight was going to kill me. The realization for me was like finding out I was terminally ill with cancer. I mean, I’m the one who lives life with the complete and utter disbelief that mortality exists for me. Not that I believe I am immortal, but when things like surgery have crossed my path, I don’t worry about dying, because I simply don’t believe I will. Having a great deal of experience knowing and losing people to cancer, that was something I understand, and so to actually have to face the fact that I had a terminal condition was mind blowing to say the least.
Trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was indeed morbidly obese, I started searching out some information on what exactly constitutes morbid obesity. The American Obesity Association defines the disease as follows:
Morbid obesity is defined as having a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more. This equates to approximately 100 pounds more than ideal weight.
OK, there was something concrete – a BMI of over 40. So, at my then present weight of 305 and height of 5′ 4.5″ (the half inch is important, just don’t ask me why), my BMI calculated out to be 52! I hadn’t just broken through the BMI barrier, I shattered it by 12 whole points. I had to lose 70 pounds just to be at the borderline morbidly obese level, which of course is not the goal. It’s kind of like trying to say you’re a little bit diabetic – you either are, or you’re not.
I think the shock of that evening in 2005, as I searched the internet trying to come up with some ray of hope, will stay with me for the rest of my life. The realization things had gotten so wildly out of control I had reached a point I had never wanted to, hit hard. I faced my own mortality for the first time in my life, and as with all experiences, you can use them to your benefit, or you can let them bring you down. Being of a very mercurial temperament, I had a momentary crisis of faith, followed by my fighting instincts kicking in. I was going into battle one more time – but this time I was determined to win the war.
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LK Gardner-Griffie
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